Spike and I Are in a Band
by Pandora North Star
Summary: A talent agent discovers B/S after OMWF. He convinces them to go to LA. Can Buffy leave behind her life as a Slayer and trust Spike? Can she believe in herself enough to make it? What kind of evil awaits them? Will she let herself be with Spike?
1. Prologue

Title: Spike and I Are In a Band  
By :PNS   
Summary: Spike and Buffy are offered a singing contract after Once More With Feeling, but will they dare leave Sunnydale?  
  
Prologue  
"You're the one." the door to Spike's crypt opened abruptly and he jumped away from the stream of light.  
"What the hell do you think you're doing busting in here?" Spike growled getting off the slab of concrete. "Can't a guy get a good day's rest around here?"  
"Where's the girl?"  
"Who?"  
"Look I'm Joe Striker and I'm a talent agent. I was passing through last night and I heard you and that girl singing in the alley by the Bronze. I had just booked a new band. I've been searching for you guys everywhere! You're great! I just loved you." The dyed blond man took his shades off and grabbed Spike's hand in an enthusiastic shake.   
"You mean during that whole singing craze? What's so special bout us?" Spike asked suspiciously. He pulled a cigarette from his coat pocket.  
"The chemistry! And I must say you have that look. Dark, dangerous, and that girl. The perfect pop star."  
"Don't think she'll be interested." Spike frowned. "In fact I'm not either. See you later."   
"But you'll be famous. Rich. Don't tell me you don't want those things."  
"Rich eh?" Spike scratched his chin. How long had it been since his belly had been full? Since he had bought himself a new pair of underwear? If he wanted to get the Slayer he had to do it right."  
"Would would this singing thing entail?" The man whipped out a briefcase.   
"You just wait!" 


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
"Buffy! Would you just listen? I think that it's a great idea!"  
"It's ridiculous. First I don't sing, unless under a spell. And second we could never work together. And third I have my Slayer duties."  
"Ok fine. First you do sing, maybe not usually, second we are working together now and third…have you been happy since you came back? Can you say more slaying is what you need?" Buffy flashed an angry grimace at him, knowing it was true. "We already are in a band love. Remember. 'spike and I are in a band, I play the drums, hell on the old skins?'"   
"Shut up! That was a cover up!"  
"And it has great potential. Think of it! All your money problems will be over Buffy. You could get out of Sunnydale. The old gang has it under control. They were fine when you were dead." Spike hated saying it to her, it sounded cruel but he truly believed they could do this. He heard her sing. She wasn't the best, but by far she was better than that cheap slut Britney.  
"Who gave you this dumb idea anyway? This is dumb, even for you."  
"This guy, a talent agent, Joe Striker." Spike pulled the business card out of his pocket as Buffy slowed long enough to take it. She examined it, folding it over in her hand, in contemplation. She seemed close to seeing his point then should her head as if to argue.  
"No. I can't. I mean we don't play instruments. And neither of us can write songs-"  
"Hey, who's to say I can't? You just assume things. I was a poet before."  
"A poet?" She muffled a giggle. "God I can just imagine it!"  
"Shut up!" He snarled, morphing. "Look, I'm not asking you to agree right now, just say you'll meet him." Buffy rolled her eyes, but he could see a smile, pursed on her lips.  
"Ok. I'll meet him."   
********  
"What we are looking at here, is your standard contract. You both sign and depending upon your skills with instruments and your talent at writing you could do either."  
"How binding would this be?"  
"Two through 6 albums."  
"I still don't get why you think we're so great." Buffy looked at the man critically. There was something artificial about him, but maybe that was just his Hollywood persona."  
"Ok. I'll make you a deal. You come down to the studios in a couple days with a little material and we'll go from there. I'm gonna make you both stars." The man slid down his glasses and winked at them, handing them directions. "Trust me." He left the crypt whistling.   
"God, what the hell have you gotten me into? I don't have time to go to LA!"  
"Think of it as a vacation luv. Just you and me, and the open road."  
"How am I going to explain this to the others? Am I insane?" Buffy grabbed at her hair in frustration, half believing that maybe she was a little insane. If it wasn't for the fact that she could earn herself and Dawn financial security she wouldn't even be considering it. 


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
"I need to visit Angel."  
"Again?" Willow clamped her hand over Dawn's mouth, who scowled at the red headed witch.   
"If you need to Buffy, then by all means." Willow said with a wavering smile.  
"I'll be back in a few days. Take care of Dawn. I'll call."  
"We'll be fine Buffy." Dawn rolled her eyes at her older sister. Buffy hugged them and hoisted up her duffel bag.   
Spike was waiting down the block, in his disgusting car. She slung the bag inside and jumped in. "I didn't tell them. They think I'm going to see Angel." Spike didn't say anything. He started the car which puttered to life and took off towards the highway.  
When the sun went down and Buffy dared to roll down her window she began to feel better about the whole thing. She really did need a vacation, and so what if she was nuts for taking one with Spike? What wasn't nuts these days?  
"You look like a dog hanging out the window." Spike observed.  
"The air smells better than inside your car. Besides, it's nice out, and you can see the stars."  
"Big deal." She drew herself in, becoming serious.  
"Do you think we could make it? Singing? I'm seriously doubting us."  
"I wrote a song." Spike blurted out. "While you were inside."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah. It's not much. It sorta explains how I feel. It's on the floor." Buffy picked up the piece of paper and squinted at the jaunty handwriting in the dimness of the car.  
'Here I am  
A Lonely man  
Far from my mother Night  
Here I am  
A lonely man   
Chained in the light  
  
I never asked to be the one to be  
Lost and found, then set free  
I'm a demon in a man's clothes  
And God only knows  
That I…  
  
Chorus: That I am, torn from limb to limb every night  
Because I love what's wrong  
And do everything that's right  
That I love the good  
And forgot that I could-  
  
I could make the world bleed  
It's been so long since I've done a bad deed  
Don't you know I'm a bad boy  
Not some baby Slayer's Toy  
  
I'm a rebel, bleached of all that's pure  
And you can bet for sure…  
  
That I am, torn from limb to limb every night  
Because I love what's wrong  
And do everything that's right  
That I love the good  
And forgot that I could-  
  
Give into the need  
And let my soul be freed…'  
"That's really good." Buffy said when she finished reading it. "It's kinda scary. I mean I know you have all these feelings, why shouldn't you. You don't have a soul and that's why you're all bad and icky. But you can write." Spike smiled a victorious smile.   
His writing had come a long way. If only Cecily could see him now. Oh to bad, she's dead. Stupid bint.   
"Next stop, LA." Spike pointed to the exit sign. Buffy nodded. 


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
"Ok. If we stay here together, we are sleeping in different beds. Should you come near to my bed I will severely beat you."  
"Yeah yeah." Spike pulled out some money. "Here. I'm going to pick up some smokes across the street." He left the lobby of the motel. Buffy sighed and got a room. It wasn't the type of place she had pictured but it was late and they were tired. They would go to the studio the next day.  
She tossed her bag down on the faded floral comforter. She supposed she could go visit Angel but since the whole mess with Spike had started she wanted to avoid making it more complicated. She thought of seeing him when she had first come back. It was awkward but it had suspended her pain for just a moment. He had looked so relieved and she knew he was a little sad, not just for her, but because he had just been starting to move on and accept that she was gone.   
"Knock knock." Buffy opened the door and Spike entered and flopped down on the other bed. "Where's the remote for the telly."  
"I'm tired. I don't want to watch tv."  
"Well I do."   
"Here." Buffy flung the remote at Spike's head. He dodged it and it broke against the wall.   
"What did you do that for?"  
"Goodnight." Buffy snapped. "God, I hate you. Why do you have to make everything so difficult?" Buffy sat down on her bed with crossed arms and turned off the light. She didn't even bother to change. She just wanted to sleep. Spike started humming in the bed next to her. She was about to yell at him when she decided to listen.  
"What are you humming?"   
"What?…Oh nothing." Spike seemed surprise by her sudden turnaround.   
"So if we were in a band, and we like played instruments what would you play?"  
"I thought you wanted to sleep?"  
"Geez. Goodnight." He could hear her roll over.   
"The guitar. I'd play the guitar. Goodnight." He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. After a few minutes he heard her fall asleep, her breathing deep and even, a little raspy. She snored a little, but no annoyingly. He fancied she would be a nice bed partner, little enough that he'd have plenty of room. Mother of God he was in the bed next to her!  
Spike clutched the blankets tightly in his fists. When he couldn't sleep instead of counting sheep he usually tried remembering his victims, from first to last but right then it seemed wrong and inappropriate. Instead, to keep his mind off the Slayer next to him he tried making up more songs. Words drifted in and out of his head until he fell asleep.   
He knew he was dreaming, as he walked through the streets of Sunnydale, but it wasn't from his perspective. The town seemed to leer at him darkly, and being from darkness it didn't usually scare him, but something about the way he saw it was frightening. Everything was warped and dreary. And then he realized he wasn't in his own dream. He was in Buffy's.  
He watched her watching another version of him across the street. He was surprised at the way she saw him. He had forgotten his blue eyes and was slightly embarrassed at the roots in his hair. It was night and they were walking towards the Magic Box. A sense of foreboding surrounded the dream characters.   
They entered the shop and Spike followed. The dream spiraled down from there. The room was lit garishly and in the center was Willow, but not as he knew her. To dream Buffy she was a witch, clad in robes and surrounded by a black aura. Spike at last understood what trauma, what the specific thing that was torturing Buffy.  
"No. I killed the vamps. It's time to go to bed Willow."  
"I have magic to do. Black magic, evil magic."  
"Where did the Willow go I remember?" The dream Spike and the real Spike stood silent, watching the scene play out.   
"She's gone. She's pathetic. I'm powerful. I play with life and death. I hold your life in my hands Buffy."  
"No!" Buffy sounded weak and helpless and Willow started chanting.   
Spike woke up when he heard Buffy cry out. He jumped out of his bed and shook her awake. She sobbed hard, gasping for air. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.   
"You know." She said before collapsing into his arms. 


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
"Ready to go?"  
"Yep." Buffy pulled her jean jacket on and tied back her hair. Bags were under her eyes. Neither had slept after the nightmare. Spike too had been frightened. He had no idea how dangerous Willow had gotten. Buffy tossed him his beat up blanket and he sprinted out to the car and slid inside.   
He took a moment to bat out the fire that one of his hands had caught on then started the car.  
"It's not far from here." Buffy said from memory.  
"Do you want breakfast?" She shook her head.  
"I'm not hungry."  
"We should talk about last night Buffy. Something happened."  
"I don't want to." she shivered. "I just want to forget it."  
"You won't. I know you. This is serious. If you have a problem with Willow then confront her. I'll back you up. But I can't let you live like this, in fear."  
"You can't? YOU can't? Whatever Spike." She crossed her arms and scrunched up into a ball. After a minute she turned back. "How do you think I feel? Every time I try to talk to her I'm afraid. And these nightmares. She committed the worst crime in the world."  
"She knows now Buffy. She wants to fix it. She's not bad deep inside. She's just in love with power." He said firmly. "And that's why you have to confront her."  
"Park here. There's the studio." He pulled the car up and they sprinted inside the building. The receptionist looked up at them warily and raised her brow. Spike clenched his jaw and rolled the blanket up into a ball.   
"We are here to see Mr Striker."   
"Names?"  
"Buffy and Spike."  
"He'll be out momentarily." she gestured to some seats and they sat down.  
"So you made it! Great! Why don't you come with me." Mr Striker ushered them down a hall into a booth. "What I'm gonna have you do is sing. Each of you sing. Doesn't matter what. We just want to get an estimate of your talents.   
"Ok." Spike pulled a copy of his lyrics from his pocket and Buffy surprised him with some of her own. He cocked his head to look at her and she grinned.  
"Buffy, why don't you sing doll babe?" Joe said from an outside booth. She nodded and with shaking hands started singing.  
"\\I want to find a future  
That suits my past  
I want to find a dream  
I can hold onto at last//  
  
Chorus:   
\\I can be the girl you see  
But so much is different inside of me  
Please, I'm not asking you to worry  
I'll be fine  
If I can win, one last time//  
  
\\Could you be the one to hold me tonight?  
If I cold just stay on my feet..  
I'm not sure I'll make it to the light  
As I make it down this one way street//  
  
\\Did you know little girls can have destinies   
Mapped out in the stars?  
Did you know little girls could have so many scars?  
I'm not asking for answers. Because the questions I can't find//  
  
\\Someone tell me I deserve  
An end to this endless night  
Someone tell me what I'm doing  
Makes any difference in the fight//  
  
\\I can be the girl you see  
But so much is different inside of me  
Please, I'm not asking you to worry  
I'll be fine  
If I can win, one last time//  
  
\\Don't mind my rambling  
Don't mind my tears  
It's just that I've been a Slayer  
All these years  
So Mom coming home  
Wait for me//  
  
\\Please, I'm not asking you to worry  
I'll be fine  
If I can win, one last time//  
Spike listened to Buffy in shock. She had a talent for writing songs also. And he could feel the pain in her voice. She gestured for him to go to the microphone while she composed herself. Joe gave them a thumbs up and Spike began to sing his song.  
When they were done Joe entered the booth with a devilish grin on his face. "Marvelous! You guys are great. You are exactly what I am looking for. I'll have Don get to work on some beats."  
"So you really want us?"  
"Like I said, you're exactly what I've been looking for. Ready to sign? I can have a band up and running to cut the album in a week. It could be out in 6 months and you could be stars in a year." Buffy looked at Spike. She signaled to the door.  
"Can we discuss this?"  
"Sure, take your time." Buffy and spike left the booth and walked down the hallway.  
"He's creepy. He's really persistent." Buffy said. Spike shrugged.   
"I think that's how they all are. They only care about money."  
"Which is why this is dangerous."  
"I think it's good. That way he's honest. The best will make him money and we're the best."  
"No. I'm not the best." Buffy shook her head.  
"I have to admit Buffy, that I felt something in there. I think you did too. I went to another level. And I wasn't this doomed and tortured vampire. I was this guy, sending out a simple message."  
"I…I know how you feel. It was like the other day. Singing all that stuff. I didn't want people to hear it, yet I did, and I felt better after they knew."  
"We can do this. I feel it in my bones Buffy. This is right. Please. Can we do this?" He stopped and took her hand. He looked her in the eyes.   
"What about Slaying? It's my destiny."  
"Damn destiny! Damn it to hell. You've lived two lives already. As far as I'm concerned you down owe anybody anything anymore. Not even the Gods above."  
"Let's do it Spike." 


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
"Giles." Spike nodded for her to go on. "I'm not coming home."  
"What Buffy?"  
"I'm staying in LA."  
"I don't understand."  
"I'm going to sing."   
"Excuse me? Are you feeling alright?"  
"Better than I have in awhile. Spike and I are going to sing. Like a duo. We're going to sing. And I'm done with slaying." Buffy hung up the phone. "There."  
"I know it was hard. But it's the only way to do it."  
"I know." Buffy nodded. "And I'll return as soon as we've make some money."  
"We should sit down and write some stuff. Together."  
"Sure." They made their way back through the restaurant and sat down in a booth. Spike pulled some crumpled pieces of paper from his pocket and a chewed up pencil. Buffy wrinkled her nose and he rolled his eyes.   
"What should this song be about?" Spike asked absently licking the tip of the pencil.   
"Why we're good." Buffy said gazing away. "Why we do what's right. Because none of it seems to make a difference."  
"It does too. Why would I waste my evil time being good if it didn't make a difference?"  
"To be with me."  
"Ok. True. But why do you do it?"  
"That's just it. It's just what I've always been told to do." Buffy frowned and her hand darted out. She snatched the pencil from Spike's hand and chucked it across the room. "This is no good. Both our songs were about that anyway. Love is a good song theme right?" Spike nodded.  
"More or less."  
"Didn't you sing me a song of love? God, why can't I remember the songs we sang."  
"You know, you got a willing slave, and you just love to play the part that you might miss behave." Spike sang quickly, under his breath. "But till you do I'm telling you stop visiting my grave."  
"This isn't real, but I just want to feel…" Buffy joined in, remembering the words.  
"Give me the pencil. Wait. Oops." She waved over a waiter. "Hey, can I get a cup of orange juice and a pen?"  
"Make mine a coffee would ya mate?" The guy nodded, a bit confused and shuffled off. "Your muse visiting you luv?"  
"You could say that." The waiter came back and Buffy ignored her juice as she picked up the pen. Spike watched her, the way her hand held the pen, the way the tip of her tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth, as she concentrated. She was so serious. The way she was in battle. Finally she put down the pen and picked up her juice thirstily.  
"Can I read it?"  
"It's no good." Buffy shrugged and wiped the orange juice mustache from her lip.   
\\My body is a pendulum  
Swaying with the tides  
I go where I am needed  
A warrior ravaged by time  
  
My feet have yet to touch the sand  
Upon a distant shore  
I have yet to know sleep  
Like a dreamer peaceful in the night  
  
Chorus: I've felt alive before  
I want to feel it again  
But I don't know where to find  
My own sane piece of mind  
  
My heart lies, buried in the ground  
Locked in heaven, I've been thrust out  
To walk the earth and hell  
Not allowed to even shout  
"When do I get my share?  
  
I've felt alive before  
I want to feel it again  
But I don't know where to find  
My own sane piece of mind//  
"It's crap." Buffy snatched the piece of paper and away from Spike.  
"It's not crap. I'm impressed. You wrote all of that in a couple minutes. I bet you were too busy slaying before to recognize you have a talent for writing. Buffy blushed, but he could see she was beaming. A true smile as he hadn't seen in the three months she had been back.   
"Let's celebrate tonight. Let's go clubbing. I mean I've barely been to the Bronze lately. LA has some great clubs. I used to sneak in when I went to Hemery." she stopped when she saw the look on his face. "I'm not a bad girl."  
"No. You're good. And righteous. And you do everything they tell you to do."   
"Exactly- I mean no. Shut up Spike." Buffy pulled out a couple bills to pay for the juice but Spike pushed her hand away.   
"Let me." She was too shocked to even argue. "After you?" He gestured to the door and Buffy shook her head. 


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
They had left the car at the motel. Spike wanted to get some fresh air after being under the blanket all day. They were headed to The Sugar Shack, a club.   
The journey took them by a large, abandoned looking hotel. You have to understand that Buffy had never been to the Hyperion Hotel. The only times she had seen Angel were at his old place or at a neutral location. In fact, Willow was the only Scooby to have seen it.   
As they were walking by a girl came running out straight at them. Buffy stepped to the side and the girl fell down.   
"Cordelia?!"   
"Hi Buffy." Cordelia stood up and pushed her hair away from her face. "What are you doing here? Angel isn't home. Wesley and I were just testing out a new defense system."   
"Cordelia?" Cordelia turned red. "Oh, I guess he just got home."   
"Oh. Buffy. And Spike." Angel's eyes seemed to turn yellow for just a second. "Did you want to talk to me Buffy?"  
"No. This was just a run in. We came to LA for a whole different thing."  
"Slayer stuff?"  
"Well no." For a moment Buffy wished she had never come to LA in the first place. Then she felt the reassuring arm of Spike snake around her back, subtly, so subtle they wouldn't notice. Only she. And it gave her confidence. "Spike and I ran away to become stars." When she said it she wished she could take it back. It sounded incredibly silly and selfish. But she couldn't take it back so she held her chin up.  
Angel smothered a laugh, which made his dimples appear. "You feeling ok Buffy?" He looked to Spike with a sneer and back to her. "Last I remember you weren't even friends with Spike, nor could you act."  
"We have a singing duo. And Spike, he's my friend. Cos he can't bite people."  
"Tell the world." Spike commented bitterly. "Especially my enemy." He added in a low voice.   
"Get over it. So anyway we were going."   
"Right." Angel shook his head uncertainly. He was still doubting their sanity. "You call me if you need anything."  
"Don't worry about me. I'm fine. We're going clubbing now." Buffy began marching away, spike moved to follow but Angel snagged his arm.   
"I don't know what your deal is, but if I find out she's under a spell or you hurt her, you're as good as dead."  
"Hands off mate. I'm her boy toy now." Spike flashed him a grin and sauntered after Buffy.   
"He still thinks it's his duty to watch out for me. He left me. It wasn't the other way around. I mean you don't go all away, because you think our relationship is doomed. Why should he?"  
"We have a relationship now?"  
"Well it's as close to one as either of us have come in awhile." Buffy admitted. "Let's just leave it at that."   
"This the place?"  
"Oh yeah." Buffy pushed the incident with Angel to the back of her mind as they thrust through the crowds to get inside. The club was warm and bright, with lights flashing intrusively.   
"Don't you love it?" Buffy said dancing onto the floor.  
"Not really my scene." Spike shouted back. "I prefer the darkness of the Bronze." He watched her dance, all her skating skills and Slayer skills making her the best dancer on the floor. She was mesmerizing. Only he knew what kind of weapon that body was as it innocently, then not so innocently whirled and gyrated to the pounding music. And it was all his.  
Spike took his coat off and brought it to the coatroom then met Buffy on the floor. He wasn't a bad dancer himself now, but god he was horrible when he was human. Everything about him then was cringe worthy. Buffy danced towards him and grabbed him close. She was slightly damp and he could smell the sweat keenly.   
He pressed his lips on her mouth and she kissed him briefly, laughing then pulled away, still twirling. She grabbed his shirt tails and pulled him around her. Her eyes laughed like they hadn't in awhile, and she was truly enjoying herself, away from all her worries. But how long would it last? Spike knew how much she loved everyone back in Sunnydale. Would she sacrifice this happiness again to protect them?  
"I bet one day we'll be dancing just like this, and one of our songs will come on." She said.  
"Yeah? Since when were you so confidant?"  
"Since we saw Angel." She shrugged.  
"You're gonna be good just to spite him?"  
"You bet."  
"Works for me." Spike spun, snapping his fingers. "So what club worthy song will we sing?"  
"I'm not sure." She grinned. "Maybe 'I had a dream last night…you were in it."  
"I was?"  
"You drove away the darkness."  
"I will protect you always." Spike stilled, pulling Buffy close. "I see the world through your eyes."  
"I never thought someone would know me like you do."  
"I know you." They looked into each other's eyes, their voices fading out.   
"I want to know you too."   
"You sure?" Buffy nodded. 


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
They took a different route home, away from the hotel. It lead them to a darker part of town. On the way they met some vampires.  
"Hey sweet thing, what are you doing with him?"  
"Leave the girl alone." Spike said dully. They vamped. "No. Don't do that."  
"And here I thought it would be a dull evening." Buffy seethed as she began fighting. No matter how many there were, neither was certain, they cleaned them out quickly. Buffy speeded up her walk.   
"Buffy."   
"This isn't for me right? Why do it do it so well?" She dropped the stake down, disgusted, like it burned her fingers.  
"Who's right for anything. We get along the best we can." Spike stopped. "Oh look!" He shouted like a young child.  
"What?" Buffy turned around and saw his face pressed against a dark store front.  
"A guitar. It's the one I want."  
"Hello. You don't play."   
"Actually I do."  
"But I asked you the other night!"  
"No. You asked what I would like to play. And I play what I like. You never actually asked if I play."  
"Oh! You drive me crazy." Buffy smacked him. In reaction he smacked her back, only to find he could. "What the hell?" They said in unison.  
Spike pounced on a woman passing by with a howl. He put his hand to his forehead then he looked at Buffy with alarm. "It's you. You're messed up."  
"Nah uh." She said shakily.  
"No wonder you didn't fit in back home." Spike shook his head in sympathy.  
"I don't understand?" Buffy said backing up. Spike looked at her hungrily.  
"We could dance Slayer. You and I." For a moment she trembled in fear. Then his face softened. "Buffy. You know I won't. I swear. And I can prove it to you now." He buried his face in her shirt, and she let him, in fear. He kissed her slowly moving up, till his mouth was over hers.  
She pushed him away. "No. We can't. I can't let you do this to me."   
"Giles is going back to England. For good."   
"What?"  
"He wanted to tell you. He was looking for the perfect time to do it. And now that you've run away again…"  
"Oh God. No. This is a joke." She ran towards a pay phone, picked up the receiver and jammed her fingers into her pockets for change. Spike waited. She put the receiver back.  
"I knew he would. It's probably better this way for both of us." She pursed her lips. "The last of my real family is gone."   
"You have me."  
"Is it enough?" Spike felt his heart wrench as she gazed up at him, wanting to believe, afraid to believe that he could be everything she needed. And try as he might to convince her he could never be all she needed. He could never live in daylight.   
'God this is how Angel must have felt.' Spike shuddered at the thought and drew his coat a bit closer.   
"We should go back to the motel. I'm sure Joe wants us there bright and early tomorrow. And I thought Giles was bad with the training sessions."  
That was his Buffy. Covering it up with fake perkiness. They got back to the motel and Spike slid off his clothing while Buffy was in the bathroom. He jumped into bed wearing his new boxers. (He was very proud of them.) His jaw dropped when Buffy came out wearing only a camisole and underwear.   
"Night." She smiled and slipped into her bed. Spike gripped the blankets over him, willing himself not to get up and ravage her. He wouldn't. He didn't have too. A couple minutes later, alarmingly quiet Buffy slipped inside his bed.   
He always pictured her grabbing him and ramming him up against a wall, violently. That was the way they were. She was Destructo girl and he was, well he was, Love's Bitch. She huddled against him in the darkness, not really making any sound. He could feel every inch of her skin, as it touched his. Her cold fingers snaked around his head, like a child she ran her fingers through his hair, twirling it and messing it up. He didn't mind.  
"Buffy. What are you doing?" spike finally asked, curious.  
"I can go back to my bed if you want." she offered in a small voice.  
"Now why would I want that?"  
"I don't know." Her hand stopped and it slipped, coming to rest on his chest. Some part of him felt the need to breath, as if it would give her the semblance of something real there. Not just some dead vampire. She smiled and he smiled back, though she couldn't see it because her eyes were closed. She tucked her head under his chin and fell asleep.  
He fell asleep too, but was woken later by her. Buffy was talking in her sleep, trembling like an earthquake. "There's not a lot of time. Listen. This is what I have to do. Tell the others I'm ok. I figured it out. You have to take care of them. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it."   
Spike was horrified. Chilled to the bone. She was so sure. And they hadn't been. They had willed themselves to believe she went to hell just to have her back. And she was so sure. She had tied everything up in a neat little package and handed it to Dawn. And they had unpacked it, played with it. Broken it. And it would never be in mint condition again.   
Spike pulled one of his hands out, one that was pinned under Buffy and stroked her hair. He never knew he could feel so much. Especially for one who caused him so much grief, whose life he held in his hands. He could snuff her life out at this very moment and she was helpless. Yet he was compelled to cradle her, to comfort her, like a babe. He wanted to give her a chance in a world he never had. He wanted to believe there was a good to work for. 


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
Author Note: I know this chapter is short but it introduces our bad guy and sets up even more sexual tension betwen Spike and Buffy. ::Wink::wink::  
Joe Striker sat in his office, a demo tape in his hand. It rolled it back and forth, mulling his plans. It had been almost too easy, to tempt the vampire and the Slayer. Easy pray. Of course it would be tough to kill them, but easy pray for what he was doing.  
They were clueless to guess what he was. An average demon, but smarter than most. Sparks of energy came out his blue fingertips and a black snakelike tongue forked out his mouth as he laughed.  
Without knowing it, the Slayer and the vampire were giving to him, pieces of their souls. The vampire had no clue but there was a bit of soul clinging to his insides. Joe knew, an ancient spell, reworked with modern conveniences, that would suck the essence of the Slayer right out of the girl and he could banish it forever. No more Slayer. And on top of that she was touting around the pathetic vampire. Two for one deal. He could take the soul in the vampire for his own means to strengthen his powers, all because it was mixed with the essence of the Slayer. (Or so he thought. Joe had no idea that their souls had yet to mark on one another.)  
He had tried before, with other slayers, but it hadn't worked. He wasn't sure, even now if it would work. He was so close though.  
Joe was smart. He made preparations. He wouldn't fail this time. 


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
"I think we have enough."  
"Yeah, but if you want to eat Buffy, we don't."  
"Who needs to eat?" Buffy laughed. Something had passed between her and Spike the night before. She had been ashamed in the morning, of crawling into his bed, but he seemed fine, even more concerned than before. That's why she felt generous enough to give him money for the guitar. The way she figured it was that you have to spend money to make money. The sooner they made money she could go back to Dawn and ask them all to forgive her. But did she really want that? She wondered if they were tracking her now, with a spell, angry and mad. She always ran away. She bet they would too, if they were in her shoes.  
She finished lacing them and stood up. "You ready?"  
"Yeah." Spike touched his hand, with the burn and grimaced. He hated going out during the day, even though he was with Buffy.   
"Do you want me to go get it?"  
"No. It's ok." Spike ran his fingers through his hair, the roots showing just the right amount. Buffy headed to the door and was about to leave she slammed it closed.   
"Second thought. Do you mind if I do an errand by myself first? I'll be back and then we can go get it."  
"Sure. I bet there's some porn on here somewhere." Spike snatched up the remote as Buffy made a face and left. Sometimes she forgot that he was also a man besides being a vampire.   
She knew where it was without having the address. She had seen the place as a little girl. It was dreary looking. Cement gray, with a look of despair. She knew she needed this. As she came towards the door her breath caught in her throat and she had to continue on. She dug her nails into her palms. She had to do this. If she was to continue this path into the future she had to look to the past.  
She hadn't seen Faith since their last fight, but Buffy knew how she was doing because Angel told her. Somehow she knew that seeing Faith, seeing what she was going through was going to convince her what she was doing was either right, or wrong. Either way she was desperate to find the right path. She was led inside and sat down in a little orange chair. A couple minutes later Faith was led into the room on the opposite side of the plexi glass. Her mouth formed a small o when she saw Buffy. Buffy gave an uncomfortable wave to the other slayer.  
"This is a surprise B." faith said at last.  
"How are you doing Faith?"  
"I might venture to say better than you. I heard you like died again. Don't you stay dead?"  
"Nope." Buffy shrugged, not bothering to laugh at the joke.   
"So what can I do for you?"  
"If you got out of jail right now Faith, would you go back to slaying?" Buffy blurted out the question. It hung in the air and this time Faith didn't have a quick quip to throw back. She looked at Buffy solemnly.   
"Probably not B. It's what got me here in the first place. I'm not cut out to be a Slayer…"  
"That's not what I asked. Yes or no?"  
"No." Faith looked at Buffy for a second, confused. "You want me to answer the question if you weren't around would I?" Buffy nodded. "I don't know."  
"I died Faith. And I came back. And I had to take it up again, because no one else can, or would. But it's miserable and I'm tired. And I came to LA to get away from it."  
"You ran away again?"  
"With Spike." Buffy waited for the jab.  
"He always was a hottie. But I'm a bit surprised. Always thought you were the straight and narrow."  
"Just like my coffin? I'm sick of it. Did you know I was in fuckin' heaven? Willow pulled me out so I could clean up Glory's little mess, because they were too wimpy to get over me."  
"And the girl has balls. I bet you haven't told them that. I know you B. You probably have gone around lala until you couldn't take it. You bottle stuff up. And it isn't good for you. I know. I'm the queen. And look at me? I popped like a nuclear bomb." Faith smiled. "They got on ok without you. I say give it up. You don't need that gig anymore." Buffy stood to go. "But B?"  
"Yeah?"  
"There was nobody who could do it like you could."   
"Thanks." Buffy stood up again. Damn that girl. She had convinced Buffy and then put in that one irritating thought at the end. Buffy pushed it to the back of her mind and left the correctional facility.   
The day was fairly warm without being to warm. Buffy's stomach growled, reminding her she hadn't eaten. She wished she had extra money, and for a second regretted giving it to Spike for the guitar. But then she remembered the he looked the night before, seeing it in the window and it made her feel better inside. Somehow if he had a reason to go on with his pathetic life then so should she.  
"Honey I'm home." Buffy entered the motel room. Spike was asleep on the bed, his arm thrown over his head. He twitched a little in his sleep. Buffy went over and sat on the bed lightly. He looked sweet in his sleep, something he wasn't when awake. Except to her. He looked innocent, which he could never be. She touched his face, tracing the sharp lines of his jaw. He opened his eyes and looked up at her. She drew her hand back sharply. "I'm back."   
"Hey." He yawned. "Where did you go luv?" Something made her want to tell him. Maybe it was the wide blue eyes, as they woke to the world.  
"I went to visit Faith. In jail."   
"Faith." Spike murmured with a slow smile. "I mean, what did she had to tell you?"  
"Nothing you would care about." Buffy stood up with a sigh. "Let's go get your guitar. 


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
  
`"This one."   
"She's a beauty isn't she? It's the turquoise color. People love it."  
"Um Spike. We don't have enough for amps." Buffy shook his arm. Spike froze with the electric guitar. Honestly, neither had thought of that.   
"Of course. What was I thinking." Spike thrust the guitar back into the guy's arms. "Can I see what you have for acoustic?"  
"But you love that guitar."  
"I love you more." Her stomach growled, protesting its lack of food.  
"It's settled Buffy." After a little while they left with a much less expensive acoustic guitar and headed to a diner down the street.  
"Are we gonna stop by the studio today?" Buffy asked, taking a large bite of her sandwich.   
"I was hoping we'd have at least one more song to go in with." Spike stirred his tea, staring into the translucent brown liquid. He sniffed the air, the scent of lemon and tea tingling his nose. "What do you think?"  
"Sure. I think we can do it." Buffy smiled, confidently.   
"Faith knock you around? You've been acting really strange today. He leaned over and squinted. "If I didn't know the Buffybot was truly destroyed than I'd say you were her."   
"Shut up." Buffy tinged slightly pink. Although she had been kissing him frequently she didn't want to admit she was really starting to like him. Waking up in his arms was Heaven. Again. But was still afraid. Afraid that she would wake up and he would go back to hunting her, to pulling her towards the inferno. The dance floor lit by fire, made for the two of them.  
"Well let's start writing then." Buffy pulled out a notebook and pen. It had the emblem of the motel emblazoned on it.   
"I came prepared." She pushed them across the table, suddenly aware of her hand, close to his. Spike picked up the pen and stuck it in his mouth, like a cigarette as he furrowed his brow in thought.  
  
\\I listen to a song tonight  
And it takes me away  
Somewhere I know I've been before  
She's buying a stairway to heaven  
  
But the price is too high  
I've seen her pay for it  
With the greatest sacrifice  
But she never gets to see the glittering door  
Can she take anymore?  
  
Watching her I know  
Turning her away is crueler than  
Leading her into my world  
Why are we chosen to fight?  
What more can we learn?  
  
They turned her away at the door  
And I know I'll never make it that far  
I guess that's the price you pay  
For living  
  
I never asked to be this man  
I never asked to walk this path  
So why am I so glad to be here  
Watching her?  
  
I listen to a song tonight  
And it takes me away  
Somewhere I know I've been before  
She's buying a stairway to heaven  
  
But the price is too high  
I've seen her pay for it  
With the greatest sacrifice  
But she never gets to see the glittering door  
Can she take anymore?  
  
I believe if I believe enough in her  
She'll make it  
And I'll make it  
But God how can I believe?//  
Spike held the pen posed, all chewed at the end, and put it down, as if closing a book, satisfied. A dreamy look came over his face, as if he had expelled some gut wrenching secret, and was now free of it. For a long time Buffy didn't ask to see it, preferring to leave him to his moment and eat her sandwich. The waitress came over and handed her their bill. Spike pulled some of the remains of the money from his pocket and picked up his guitar. He reached for the song to stick into his pocket but picked up the bill by accident. It wasn't until they were driving back to the motel he realized.  
"We can go back." Buffy said soothingly.  
"No. We can't. They probably tossed it out." Spike pressed his face to the steering wheel in defeat.  
"Don't give up yet." Buffy put a reassuring hand on his arm. "Think for a moment. Don't try to picture the whole thing, just words." Spike yanked the pen out of his pocket as Buffy grabbed the wheel and started scribbling on his arm.   
They got back to the motel and Spike tossed his blanket on the bed, carelessly. He sat down and pulled up his sleeve to see if he could read the words. Buffy came over and looked at his arm, slowly working her way up, as the words entered her head, making their way down to her heart.   
"That's beautiful." She said at last. She leaned over and kissed the words on his arm, right at the elbow. The sensual ness tore a new hole in Spike. God he wanted to take her right then. He feel her in his arms again. "It's like you can read my mind. It's every thought I have. How do you know me like you do?"   
"I don't know." He lifted her from her kneeling position on the floor and kissed her softly. 


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11  
  
"We should bring these to Joe." Buffy said at last. She stretched, her neck kinked from having snuggled with Spike. Those were words she never thought would pass through her mind. But that's what they had done, snuggled and talked about the songs they had, the melodies. She knew that eventually they would have to discuss Sunnydale, but for now they could pretend it didn't exist.   
"I dunno. I'm not exactly eager to go back out into that infernal sunshine." Spike said.   
"Maybe it could wait then." Buffy agreed. She sat back down on the bed, but jumped up again as if the bed had bit her. "No. Let's go." She was at the door within seconds. Spike sighed. He was so close, but she just wouldn't let him in. Part of him didn't blame her, but part of him was furious, and desperate. She teased him with kisses and words, letting him believe he would find peace in her at last.  
"WE can go." Spike stood up and grabbed his coat.  
"I'm sorry." Buffy whispered as he walked past her.   
"I know." Spike answered.   
They arrived at the studio and there was someone waiting for them. "Have I seen you before mate?" Spike asked the young black guy.  
"You might have seen me at Angel's the other day."  
"What do you want?" Buffy pushed Spike behind her and drew herself up.   
"Relax. Angel sent me to talk to you. He got a call from your pals in Sunnydale. He didn't want to mess in your business but he wanted to relay the message that they're missing you at home. Ya dig?" She shrugged. The young man continued. "I've done it before. Went back on friends. Make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. I'm Gunn by the way." Gunn strolled off, his message having been given.   
"Strange." Spike grabbed the door and entered the building, not waiting for Buffy.  
"You have more stuff! Excellent!" Joe put his arm around both Buffy and Spike, guiding them towards the booth.  
"Wait. Shouldn't we go over those other songs? I thought you were going to add a beat to them?" Buffy said, confused. The look on Joe's face faltered for a moment.   
"Of course." He turned directions and led them to another room with white walls and a long table in the center. He left them and came back a couple minutes later with a man and a boom box.   
"Hello, I'm Don. I used the recordings and added some music. You can tell me what you think." He turned the boom box on and their voices filled the room. Spike's song had a nice electric guitar sound filling the back while Buffy's had a rolling piano melody.   
"That sounds like a crappy top 40's pop song." Spike whispered. "No offense."  
"None taken." Buffy grinned.  
"It could use a little work mate, but not bad."  
"What about getting into the studio with the new songs?" Joe injected.  
"Why you so eager mate? Genius takes time." Spike asked Joe, suspiciously.  
"I'm not. Just thought you two were."  
"I don't mind." Buffy said, trying to be the peacemaker of the situation. They went into the booth and reordered the songs.  
When they came out Buffy was leaning on Spike.  
"Are you alright my dear? You look flushed?" Joe questioned Buffy. Her brow was furrowed.  
"I think I'm fine. It was just stuffy in there. I'm sure I'll be fine once I get some fresh air."  
"Well then I'll see you two bright and early tomorrow?"  
"Hey mate, I'm curious. When do we see some cash?" Spike felt Buffy press her hand into his, signaling she wanted to leave.   
"Soon enough." Joe smiled his sleazy smile. They left the building and Buffy took some deep gulps of fresh air.  
"What's wrong Buffy?"  
"I'm not sure. When we went in I started to feel weird, and kinda queasy. Now that I think about it, I felt that way last time too. It wasn't as bad."  
"Maybe you're allergic to something in there. Or is could just be the stuffiness."  
"You're probably right."  
"So I was thinking, we need a name for our little duo."  
"Why not just Spike and Buffy…wait that sounds lame." Buffy snorted.   
"Exactly my point."  
"Well it should be something meaningful. Something we're about."  
"You sound like some sort of Girl Scout."  
"Let me guess, you used to eat them?"  
"No. I liked the cookies." Buffy rolled her eyes. She would never get used to the random stuff he said.  
"The Lost Youth."  
"What Slayer?"  
"The Lost Youth. The album will be called Starting over. Both of us, we had these screwed up lives and now we're starting over." Buffy snapped her fingers in satisfaction.   
"The lost youth." Spike repeated. "It has a nice edge. I like it."  
"Uh huh." After speaking her idea, Buffy tuned out sleepily.   
"Buffy. Did you hear anything I just said?"  
"Something about an album cover?" She guessed.  
"You don't look good." She stumbled into Spike, her hand landing on his chest.   
"I'm fine." Buffy gulped.   
"Come here." Spike reached for her and she succeeded, letting him lift her into a piggy back.   
They went back to the motel and Spike dumped Buffy off onto her bed. He took her shoes off for her and went over to his bed. He opened the case of his new guitar and took it out. He rubbed his hand across the smooth wood surface and put his fingers on the strings. He plucked at the strings, trying to recall the different chords.  
Slowly his fingers started moving more surely, until a haunting melody began to flow from his fingers.  
\\My baby  
I'm afraid  
That we'll be stuck in our past  
We've tried running but we always go back  
  
And I know we can't live in yesterday  
Cos you're all I know of tomorrow  
So we keep going on  
Together  
Looking for a place to rest  
I could ride the wind, with you by my side  
But without us  
I cannot survive  
  
When you went away  
I felt a chill always in the air  
The world got so cold  
And I hate to remember  
Why do I remember?  
We can' t look back  
  
A darkness creeps upon me  
And I sink back into death  
When I think about how far I've come  
And what I will lose  
If I can't go forward  
Without slipping back  
  
My baby  
I'm afraid  
That we'll be stuck in our past  
We've tried running forward but we always go back//  
Spike muffled a sob, as it escaped from his throat. He hated how he could be so violent then so emotional. So sensitive. His darkness was supposed to take away all that feeling, so he could live blissfully free of it. Yet it inspired him, drove him, to create and be tortured.   
Had they really come anywhere from where they started? They still fought, and bickered, They snarled and punched. But also there was lust and something else. He gave her love but she didn't give it back. Not yet. She gave him want, and need. She begged him to fill her full of Now, so she wouldn't be hungry for Then. Because Then was pain. Then was something she was running from. Then was something she couldn't escape. And neither could he.   
Even at that moment, Spike could feel the chill in the air. The one he had sung of. She seemed so far away, in sleep. But he knew how close he was, able to slip inside her nightmares. But even then he could not comfort her. She was beyond comfort it seemed, walking through this world's hell fires. Caught in the fire.   
He heard Buffy stirring and put his guitar down, wiping away the embarrassing tears. "Spike." She propped herself up on her elbows. "I heard you playing guitar. Were you? Or was it in my dream?"  
"Did you have a good dream?" Spike asked, ignoring the question. The way she looked at him gave him hope.  
"I I did." She smiled. "You were there. And you were singing to me, and I felt better, and I felt ok."  
"I was. I wrote another song."  
"Ok." She closed her eyes again, seemingly too exhausted to bother. Spike put the guitar back and smiled. He was finally getting through to her. 


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12  
Buffy woke up grumbly. She hadn't eaten dinner the night before and now that she felt better she was starving. "Hurry up."  
"Excuse me, but I'm not so keen on going out a pretty sunshiney day." Spike said bitterly.   
"Sorry. I just need to get out."  
"Aren't you even going to ask to see the song I wrote last night?"  
"You wrote another?"  
"You don't remember?"  
"Remember what?"  
"Never mind. I didn't write one." Spike shoved the paper into his coat pocket. Buffy grinned.  
"Lemme see."  
"No."  
"Pretty please?"  
"Hell No." He scowled. He had seem to close to touching her the night before. But now, in daylight, he could see it had just been shadows falling across their hearts. "Go. Get out. Go do what ever you want in the sunlight." Spike hissed, trying to keep himself together. How many nights had he stayed awake crying, Because of something she did? Because he was haunted by her death? How much did he want to go with her into the sunlight? The light that would solve all his problems. In a moment of sheer panic Spike raced past her to the door, flinging it open and charging out into the sunlight. He screamed in pain as he felt flames race up his exposed hand and touch the follicles of his hair.  
He couldn't see anything in the dazzling sunlight. He could feel nothing but the inferno blazing around him. He could tell his skin was melting and he was disappearing but it didn't matter. Until she pulled him back inside.   
"Oh God Spike." He could hear her, but he couldn't see her. His skin hurt. At least it was something other than the pain of heartache. "What did you do? Why?" Spike coughed, fearing briefly that he would explode and his ashes would scatter around her. And he feared more for her, what she would do if he was gone. "You came seriously close to dying. You know that?"  
Spike felt consciousness slipping from his. He struggled to stay aware. This was a crucial moment. He could feel her propping him up, her arms secure around his chest, snaked under his arms. They were tangled on the floor. He licked his bloody lips, feeling the cracked and blistered skin, "Without you, I wouldn't want to go on living." God his mouth hurt. "Tell me, honestly, that you only live for me, and I won't kill myself." She looked at him shocked. But it made frightening sense. Why should he bother living for her if she wouldn't for him? It was a matter of voicing it.  
"Is that what you need to hear?" She said at last. He wished her could see her face, look into to her eyes, but he just listened closely, to the inflexion of his voice. He could feel her hand touch his own, cool against his burning skin. "I live for you Spike." Her voice was like Church Bells, ringing him into heaven. "And it makes me weak. Because I don't know what my next step would be if yours hadn't set the path. It goes against all my morals, and ethics and it scares me. I live for you, because you can live without me. You don't think so, but you can. They couldn't. Their need chains me. And that's why I followed you here, so we could all be free of our chains. Except you. I'm yours now. Can you handle it? I need you Spike and now you're stuck with me."  
"I love you Buffy." Spike choked out, blissfully free of his pain. Nothing could touch him.  
"I think I love you too." She said with a quivering voice. Her fortress had fallen and it was up to him to protect her now. He could feel her lips touch his forehead as he sunk into unconsciousness. 


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13   
  
"Buffy?" Spike was able to crack one eye when he woke, enough to see blobby shapes around the darkened room. His head hurt so much. "What time is it?"  
"You've been asleep all day." She said gently. Her whole demeanor was different, more relaxed, as if she were moving about in a dream.  
"What were you doing?"  
"Writing of course."  
"We've been doing a lot of that."  
"We have." He closed his good eye and listened as she came over and kneeled on the floor. "I read your song. I'm sorry, if you didn't want me too. But we've come so far from there, just this morning. Spike, I don't ever want to go back."  
"I'll make sure you don't have too. No one should." He felt her lips on his, a short kiss.   
"I got you some blood. You should drink it. It will help you heal quicker. He could feel her bring the bag up to his lips. And he was shocked to find out it was real, human blood. His hand shot out and he snagged her arm. She knew what the gesture meant.   
"The hospital won't miss it. They've had surpluses across the country since that September 11 attack." He could hear her gulp. How much did she love him to do that for him? It was scary. "It will make you heal quicker than pig blood. And I promised myself I would go give blood soon."  
That last idea comforted somehow. Why should he care though? "That was really dumb of me wasn't it?" Spike said, attempting to joke.   
"Yeah it was. What would have happened if I hadn't caught you in time, I don't even want to think about."  
"So where do we go from here?"  
"Didn't we just ask that question?" She said, referring to the last group sing before the demon's enchantment wore off.   
"So we're back to square one? For every step we take forward we take two back."  
"What do you want me to say Spike? That I have answers? Well I'm sorry. I don't. I never have. I've always looked to Giles-"  
"And now he's not around." Spike interrupted. "What are you gonna do? You have to move forward. You have to go on, without looking back. No regrets."  
"No regrets." She agreed, feeling fire in her stomach. She missed them all so much, no matter the hell they out her through.   
Spike didn't expect her to agree simply. He expected her to fight, for Giles sake, to defend him. What was LA doing to her?  
"I'm uh, gonna go to the supermarket. Get a few things. Get some bandages so Joe won't ask questions. Are you going to be ok?"  
"Fine." Buffy leaned over, he could feel her hair tickling his skin and helped him to the bed. She pressed the remote into his hands and he turned the TV on. The pulsing of the sound matched the pulsing in his head, enough so he could forget it.  
Buffy took a deep breath, once out in the fresh air. She had to get out of there. He had been right. She could feel the chains binding her to him, creeping until she looked like Marley, doomed to walk with the chains she forged in life. But she was good, so why did she have chains.  
"Oh my god, I have got to stop thinking." Buffy gasped, releasing the anxiety. She entered the supermarket, the bright fluorescent lights a beacon in the early evening darkness. They had a little money left, not much. She hoped joe paid them soon. And she would sooner steal than take money from the bank account, it was all Dawn had left. It was an assurance Dawn would be ok, what little there was.   
Was she right for abandoning them like that? Was it selfish? Or did she deserve a little selfishness at last?   
"I'm not expert on human emotion but you look pretty upset." Buffy looked up at the stock boy with a strained smile.   
"It's nothing."  
"I highly doubt that. Girls like you, takes awhile to hurt that much."  
"What do you know about me?" Buffy snapped, recoiling.   
"Nothing." The boy put his hands up in the air.  
"I'm sorry." Buffy apologized. "I guess I am upset."  
"I know just the thing." The boy strolled up to the end of the aisle and fished a tub of ice cream out. Then he walked back grabbing a box of plastic silverware. The store was absolutely empty and Buffy would have bet they were the only two there if she hadn't seen one lone cashier. "Sh. Don't tell anybody." He gave her a spoon and sat down on the floor. He indicated a spot next to him. He took a scoop of ice cream and Buffy felt strangely inclined to sit next to him. "Tin Roof Sundae is my favorite. Just makes all your problems go away. Now that you've had a bite do you feel better?"  
"Actually I do." Buffy laughed as she dug another scoop out of the container.  
"So tell me what your problem is and I'll try to help. No pretty girl or any girl for that matter should look so forlorn.   
"God, how do I explain this." Buffy said. "I have this job, and it's a noble job, really social service type, but it's really hard. I've been doing it for a long time, and if I don't do it no one else will. It's taken a lot out of me, and the pay isn't good, and I've tried to quit but I can't, cos I'm the only one who can do it. So is it wrong of me to want to try to quit again and find a job I'm happier at?"  
The stocker looked thoughtful, the spoon hanging from his mouth.  
"And there's this guy. He kind of helps me at work, but he doesn't like it either. And he used to be a competitor. And now we're involved. He quit with me, and he's the one telling me I should be strong and stick to quitting, but part of me wonders, if my other job was so important, no matter the hell it puts me through I should do it? Does that make sense?"  
"It might in a minute. Let me process." She held the container out to him and he ate. She put her spoon down.   
"Ok. Processed."  
"Do you have a new job?" She nodded. "Are you any good at it?"  
"I dunno."  
"What is it?"  
"I sing."  
"Of course you do." He smacked himself off the head. "Let me here you."  
"In public?"  
"You're going to have too sometime." She sang a little of her song, nervously watching his reaction.  
"Maybe you were just nervous, but my advice is to stick to your day job."  
"Or night job." She said under her breath. "Thanks." Buffy smiled.   
"I know this may sound cliché but things usually get better if they've been worse."  
"Yeah. But sometimes from the bottom it looks far far up." She stood up. "Do you know where the bandages are?"  
"Three aisles over." Buffy turned and started walking. She stopped to say thank you one last time but when she turned he was gone.  
Even though they had sworn they would never return who was she kidding? She couldn't sing. What had she been thinking? Slaying was her gig. And she would do it, come life or come death.   
She went back to the motel and found Spike asleep on the bed. He stirred as she cleaned him up and applied band aids.   
"Hey Spike."  
"Feeling better Slayer?"  
"Yep. Got a little pep talk. I'm going back to Sunnydale." He sat up with a painful groan.  
"What?"  
"Spike, this isn't for me. I wasn't cut out for singing. I'm a Slayer. It's what I do. But if it makes you happy, I want you to stay."  
"But Buffy-"  
"But nothing." She put her finger to his lips. "Tomorrow I'm going to see Joe. You have to stay here and rest."   
She got into her side of the bed and went to sleep. 


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14  
Buffy entered the recording studio. She had brought along the last two songs they had written. She felt weird being there without Spike. She suspected it was she finally admitted she loved him, and was aware of his presence on a more conscious level.   
"My dear girl. Where is your vampire friend?"  
"You mean Spike?"  
"That's the one." Joe steered her towards the booth but she walked towards the conference room instead.   
"He's sick." Buffy said. "And I came to talk to you, not to sing."  
"I'm sure you have new material."  
"I do. But I quit."  
"You can't." He pulled a contract out of his pocket.   
"I'm not singing material."  
"You don't understand girl." His voice dropped. "You signed over your soul to me."   
"What?" Buffy said with a tremble."   
"Sing." Buffy felt her voice burst forth, like Ariel from the mermaid. How stupid she had been! This man was stealing her voice. He morphed, into a demon, towering over her.  
"I understand. But it's not your voice I want." Joe snickered. "It's your soul."  
\\The demons they ignore  
The price that they pay for  
Being evil  
I can't ignore  
The price I pay  
For being good  
  
I've seen more than you can understand  
I've forged rivers when the world was dry  
And I've been a firefighter   
But I want to give in  
I don't feel more than what he gives me  
  
I'm a reflection and all I see is him  
I'm an echo  
I'm a shadow  
Of air, and darkness  
Don't you see I have no soul?//  
  
Poor stupid Joe. He weaved his spell around the Slayer, not knowing, or caring about her song. He only wanted her soul. His spell had drained her, but what she was full of was not the essence of Buffy but of Spike. For Buffy was the essence of the Slayer. Joe hadn't understood. There was no pure Slayer, it was all one. But since she had come back it was a clone, formed from Spike's love.   
He screamed in pain, in realization. All his plans were crumbling around him. In a final burst of song Buffy sang as loud as she could.   
\\But from the ashes I will rise anew  
For you see what is in me is you  
I will weave a new world  
For the Fates have given me a new string  
To thread my spirit with//  
  
Joe's heart burst and he was dead. Buffy stopped singing, and almost fainted. Then she heard her own voice, echoing softly like a choir, seeming to bounce off walls. It was a voice of light, golden and pure, spinning, catching her up until she could feel all the broken parts of her mending. The strength came back to her and she felt whole again.   
She left the studio, lighter than air, running to find spike. For it was not only the spell that had saved her, it had been the realization that just like Spike's love for her was his soul, her love for him was her soul. Parts of her were scattered across the dimensions, but the most important part, her heart was safe in his hands alone.  
"I'm back! Spike!" She banged the door open.  
"So quick?"  
"Oh Spike! I love you."  
"What's all this Slayer. Ow! You're hurting me." She pulled back from kissing him. "I didn't say stop."  
"I can't sing. I don't know why I thought I could. It was Joe. He was a demon. He tried to steal my soul. But he couldn't. Because I didn't have one. Not then. But I had your love, and it killed him."  
"Woah. Slow down."  
"I love you." She yelled. "I want the world to know I'm nuts. But I don't care. You saved my life. Again." She came back down and laid down next to him.   
"Glad I could help." 


	16. Epilogue (New Beginnings)

Epilogue   
  
"Guess I'll see you soon?"  
"Of course you will. LA isn't that far. And I wouldn't go a week without my slayer." Spike nocked Buffy's chin. After everything he had decided to stay. They both thought it was better, because she had stuff to work out with her friends and he was intent on making her money.  
"This is the end of something isn't it?"  
"It is. And the beginning."  
"I don't know if I can go." she said, slipping.  
"None of that Slayer. Don't get all soppy and wet over me. You'll make me think you actually like me."  
"Wouldn't want that." Buffy said with a sniffly laugh. The bus pulled up behind them. She got onboard as he slung his guitar over his back. Insane, sure he was, but this was right, he could feel it, and he would see her soon.   
  
Time out with the Author:  
Hey guys. i'm glad you liked the story. And for all bummed that it is ending rest assured I'm already starting on a sequel! In the meantime I suggest you read A Knight in a Day or The Sleepover II to tide your Buffy/Spikiness over.   
~Kisses~ 


End file.
